319.

Post 313 has just been expanded and become a reality! Global domination will follow! The project is currently super secret, but stay tuned! Excitement will follow!

318.

Fuck. Writer's block. I know what I want to say, but I can't think of how to expand on it. It's one of those things that can be answered so bluntly it seems almost condescending and redundant to give examples or to try to turn it into an essay.

1. Compare and contrast two of the stream of feminist though presented in this unit. Which of the feminisms do you find most compelling? Why?

2. Are women really lower in status and power than men, or sis their status and power merely different? Support your answer with examples.

3. One of the criticisms of feminism is that it is insensitive to cultural differences, and seeks to impose upon non-Western cultures a Western concept of gender equality. Is this a valid criticism? Why, or why not?

I plan on doing number three. One is really easy so most people will being doing that one and Richelle will be tired of it by the time she reads mine and it may unintentionally effect my mark. Two is way too involved. I'll never finish it because I'll try to make it too elaborate. The thing with number three is simply that feminism is a Western concept so the very idea of bringing that kind of movement into a non-Western country is already imposing a Westernized concept of gender equality. There's no argument against it.

317.

Need to focus on task at hand. Task at hand = WST 100 essay that was due last Thursday. Must finish and e-mail to Robot Teacher before class at 2:30!

316. Parenticide Please

Is it a bad thing that I completely understand parenticide? I mean, honestly, if there was anyone that I would actually kill, it would most likely be my own mother. People always go on these little tangents about how you should be thankful that you parent took care of you and clothed you and fed you. Well, you know what? I didn't fucking choose for her to get knocked up. That had nothing to do with me. As for taking care of me: that's her fucking job. I'm not thankful and bursting with gratitude for a pizza delivery man that shows up with a warm pizza. Why should I be? He's getting paid to do it. He CHOSE to apply for that job. If you don't like it, don't fucking choose to do it.

Now, obviously I don't feel this way for no reason. I have plenty of them. Most recently it involves her going into my room, rummaging through my personal belongings and throwing things out. Not to mention the fact that she doesn't listen to anything I say and I have to constantly repeat myself. She intentionally walks into the room I'm in and brings up something that she knows will upset me. No matter how calm I am, she still ends up, literally, four inches away from my face, screaming at me. Despite how many times she goads me, pushes me, hits me, slams my head into things, scratches me, spits on me or calls me names (ex. ditch pig, whore, etc.) I never hit her back. The worst I've ever done was hold a pocket knife out in self-defense as yanked me by my hair down the street after repeatedly pounding on my back. Why did she do this? Because I was twenty minutes late getting home from a friend's house across the street. Why was I late? Well, you see, I had spilled something on my pants and my friend's mom offered to wash them for me and I wore my friend's pants while that was happening. I phoned my mom a few minutes after I was supposed to be home and, before I could get halfway through explaining, she started yelling and then hung up. She came over and pounded on the door while I was tying up my shoes and I obviously couldn't just jump up and answer the door so I was like "Hey, ______, can you tell her to wait a minute?" Of course ______ had heard my mom over the phone and, being the very sheltered and timid kid she was at the time, just stared at me like I had two heads. I quickly finished tying my shoes and came to the door where the back pounding took place, followed by pulling me along by my hair.

Of course, this isn't the only example. Far from it, in fact. Whether I'm getting my head slammed into the arm of a metal bench or doorknob, having her spit in my face, or having her flip a coffee table at me, I never hit her back, but apparently I'm the abusive one and it's always my fault. She's stressed out? It's my fault. My dad isn't paying child support? My fault. Marcus is getting in trouble at school again? My fault. She's bored? My fault. She's disappointed with her boyfriend? My fault. Mat is moving into his friend's house? My fault (because I don't eat meat!). The list is endless. Honestly, it is.

Now, the real bitch of this situation? No matter what she does to me, I always take her back. I still listen to her complain for HOURS and calmly give her advice on how to deal with situations involving her other two kids, money, her boyfriend, personal growth, stress, etc. (which she never actually follows and then wonders why nothing changes), I take her out to Starbucks and buy her coffee when she's upset, I take her for lunch, I convince her that she's doing a good job even though I'm her permanent scapegoat for every possible situation. I bathe her in undeserved sympathy. When I get sick or when I ruptured a disc in my spine or when I was stressed about having to perform a balancing act with school, two bands, and musical theater, I brought it on myself. It was my own fault. By the way, get a job and move out.

315.

Guh, I feel so stagnant.

I need something to do.

314.

Today

[10:18] Shaun
hey areyou online

[10:18] Sarah
Yes.
Yes, I am.

[10:18] Shaun
doyou sitll need a ride

[10:18] Sarah
Haha, no, I'm here now.
I assumed it was a "no" 'cause you signed off.
So I caught the bus.

[10:19] Shaun
hah no you never you never asked, and i was baked and buzzed and in serious neecd of bed
kk i was just checking, im going to head up there now
ttyl

[10:20] Sarah
Haha, okay.

[10:20] Shaun
actually what did we have to do for the class today

[10:20] Sarah
I have no idea.

[10:21] Shaun
ggood to know

[10:21] Sarah
Haha, sorry.

[10:21] Shaun
hah its ok

[10:22] Sarah
Katherine says that she wants you.

[10:22] Shaun
what

[10:22] Sarah
To come to school, that is.
Since you're paying for it.

[10:22] Shaun
i know

[10:22] Sarah
She also says that she has no one to smoke with.

[10:24] Shaun
good job now my gf thnks im cheating on her

[10:24] Sarah
D:
No!
I hope you're not serious.

[10:31] Shaun
stay away from my boyfriend

[10:32] Sarah
Haha, what?

[10:32] Shaun
yah i;d act confused too

[10:32] Sarah
Haha, trust me, I'm not interested.
He's not my type and he's already with you anyway.

[10:33] Shaun
hah
yah
he is with me

[10:33] Sarah
Haha, yes, I know. That's why I said that.

313.

I am sitting at a table. Katherine is eating food of sorts. It appears to be something eggy, placed between the ends of an English muffin. She appears to be enjoying it. One day, she'll get fed up with me, and punch me square in the nose. It should be noted that I'm reading everything I write aloud at the moment, hence the punching face comment. I am too awesome for words. Yee.

Haha, in all seriousness though, I have an idea. I think I would like to start a website. A website for the Vancouver Island Punk/Metal scene. Like, list all the bands from the island and where they're playing and have all the show listings and stuff. Oh, but wait! I'm not quite done yet! It'd also be really awesome to have a kind of Craig's List section of sorts. People looking for/selling things. It's really convenient because it can be hard to find clothes and things that don't suck these days and people are always looking for ways to get rid of things and make money at the same time. It would also be a good way to keep non-Facebook users up to date with shows. Or even to keep Facebook users up to date without having to worry about all sorts of event notifications and random invites to shows in cities hours away. Hmm, I think I will do this...

312.

Back at NIC again. Very little to do. I am occupying my time by talking to Steve about the addition he's building. Aww, now I miss Rampage.

311.

Iteration Nine

310.

Iteration Eight

309.

Iteration Seven

308.

Dragon Curve Fractal round six!

307.

Went to Sharelle's surprise birthday party the other night. It was pretty lovely. Most people ended up going to Holly's house because they wanted to be loud and Beth's mom didn't want any noise complaints. Oh, not Holly Kruse, by the way. It ended with Beth, Brent, me and Jesse watching Teeth and then going to bed to ...sleep. :3

I am currently trying to understand the workings of Dragon Curve fractals. It's not going very well. Here's what I have accomplished so far:

306.

I have the first fifty episodes of Animaniacs. Oh man, am I ever excited! It's easily one of the best cartoons in the history of the world.

Also, I have re-discovered Joy Division. Mmm!

In addition to that, I need to think of a tattoo idea. I think I'm going to ask for my mom to pay for one for my nineteenth birthday and I need to get an idea of what I want so I'll be prepared. It's only four months and ten days away!

305.

So, it turns out unlocking a car door for someone is much more important than I realized.

Also, panic attacks suck.

See also: GAD

304.

Shit. I think I may have fucked up my spine again. My leg's kind if sore. I'm hoping that the pain is just because of the cold or something like that. It's not really that bad or anything, but I'm worried nonetheless. I really really really don't want to have to spend another two weeks on Percocet and morphine. Fuck fuck fuck. I really just want to just go home and sleep. I'll probably phone home in a little bit to see if mom will pick me up. I really hope so.

303.

I'm having a Girl's Night! Whoo!

List of Truth Questions:

What is your guilty pleasure Disney movie?
What’s the longest you’ve gone without taking a bath?
If anyone in the room could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have do?
What do you do to let someone know that you’re interested in them?
Have you ever been arrested?
If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you do?
What is one unusual fear you have?
If you had to listen to only three songs for the rest of your life, what would they be?
Have you ever gone an entire day in public without wearing underwear?
What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?
What’s the worst thing about being your gender?
What’s your favourite thing about the opposite sex?
Who was your first crush?
If you woke up one day and found that you had become invisible, what is the first thing you’d do?
When was the first time you fell in love?
Tell us about your secret fantasy.
Do you still sleep with a stuffed animal?
What’s the lowest grade you’ve received in school and for what class?
Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Who?
Have you ever followed someone into a washroom with the intention of kissing them?
Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
If you could vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go?
What was the funniest cooking experience you’ve ever had?
Have you ever cheated on a test?
Have you ever flashed someone?
Have you ever thought something sexual about someone in this room?
If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
Have you ever masturbated? How often and to what?
Do you ever watch porn?

302.

I took the test. It wasn't too bad. I didn't really study for it or anything and I had only read two of the five textbook chapters that it was based on and still managed to get 23/30. I mean, obviously I'm not pleased with the mark, but considering the circumstances, it's alright. Also, there's one question that I think he may have marked wrong so I'm going to go talk about it with him on Tuesday. The thing that bothers me the most though is that there are a couple questions that I had answered and then gone back and changed when they had been right the first time around. On the other hand, there were one or two that I changed which would have been wrong if I hadn't, so clearly my "gut instinct" may or may not be trusted.

301.

Make-up quiz for ANT 150 today after class. /nervous!

300.

Well, it turns out that he wasn't feeling well so he decided to have a nap. Nice of him to tell me. :\

299.

Well, I was kind of talking to Jesse a little while ago and he said "brb". That was three hours ago. I can't stay up much later because I have to get up early to go to school tomorrow. He probably fell asleep. I think he secretly hates me. :(

PS If he fell asleep, he's going to wake up late tonight and stay up until all hours of the morning and then end up sleeping all day and waking up once I'm in class and can't talk to him. Then, he's going to end up going to karate as soon as I get home and then he's going to be there most of the night, then head home. Unfortunately, I have Leslie's party to go to tomorrow night so when he gets back, I won't be online. Also, he'll probably end up at Steve's again anyway. Fuck. :(

298.

I don't think I could ever get tired of Hybrid Moments by Misfits. Honestly, I'm in love with that song. Same with Angelfuck and Last Caress. I like Hybrid Moments the best though. It reminds me Jesse. I'm very excited about the show on Quadra. It should be wonderful. Jesse plans to get "really really sauced". I'm not sure how I feel about that. I mean, sometimes I like when he's drunk because he'll tell me more and he's more affectionate and stuff, but, well, I don't know. I think it's just that by Friday I won't have seen him in about two weeks and I'll only have that night to see him and even then I'm going to have to share him with everyone else and after everyone else is sleeping is the only time we'll get alone and I'm worried that if he really gets that drunk he'll just pass out and that'll be it. I hope that doesn't happen.

297.

I just discovered that Gorguts is from Quebec. I didn't know that. Also, Cryptopsy and Quo Vadis are from Montreal. All the more reason to go there!

Also, Dystopia. Holy tits. Fucking amazing. I can't believe it took me so long to listen to them.

296.

NIC morning again. Not liking it. Want to sleep. Fuck Awesomes this weekend. Liking it. Still want to sleep.

I hope Jesse doesn't push me off the couch this weekend like the other time. I hate sleeping on the floor without a blanket and by myself.

Guh, I need something to do this morning. Some kind of an internet hobby or something. I wish Jesse was online. He won't be for a while though. He stayed at Steve's last night to practice and drink. He'll be asleep for a while. Haha, I should join Neopets again. I'm kidding. That would probably suck. I could always just play some FFR, but I'm worried someone may see my screen and realize how much I suck. On the other hand, it's not like I actually care about them anyway. Hmm, well, I might as well give it a try for a bit. Waste some time and such. Mind you, I do have a test in Philosophy today on the first two chapters of the text book. Maybe I should study... nah.

295.

Sarah says:

*Haha! My teacher's response:

"Received.

Thank you

R"

*She's like a robot.

(*)Jesse says:

*haha!

Sarah says:

*R is for robot.

(*)Jesse says:

*R is for ROBOT TEACHER

Sarah says:

*:-O

*WHAT!

(*)Jesse says:

*HAHA

*UH!!!!

*I seriously think people can read minds

*or at least some of them

*or maybe all of them can and some just project harder

*or a combination of both

*one time, the person sitting next to me started drawing something that looked like what I was planning on drawing

*same colour scheme and kinds of shapes

*and you and I, we seem to do it very intensely

Sarah says:

*Yes. Yes, we do

(*)Jesse says:

*"I don't like beowulf" *you're holding beowulf*

Sarah says:

*Hahaha

(*)Jesse says:

*and that book we both went for

Sarah says:

*Yeah, I was just thinking about that.

(*)Jesse says:

*it seems extra strong around books

*not surprised!

Sarah says:

*Haha, that's so weird.

*In a good way.

(*)Jesse says:

*<3!

He and I both said the "R is for" thing at the EXACT same time. :)

294.

I'm allowed to make up the quiz I missed in Cultural Anthropology last Thursday! I'm very happy about this. I'm especially happy that I don't have to make it up today since I still haven't read or studied a few of the chapters in the text book. So, I'm supposed to go to Jim's office at quarter to two this Thursday. Haha, that sounds kind of bad. But yeah, I just need to figure out how exactly to get there. How to navigate, I mean. I'm not sure where exactly it is. I think it's either 202 or 220 B in the Discovery building. Meh, I'll figure it out.

293.

Aww, man. I'm so glad I took in the sleeves on my hoodie, added the backpatch, and changed my skirt. It feels much better.

Hmm. The people at the table to my upper right just looked at me collectively and started talking. I hate when that happens. I'm sure it's not always a bad thing, but I just really don't like not being able to hear what people are saying. I'm sure that's a good thing though. I know I don't always want to know what people think of me.

HOLY FUCK. HYBRID MOMENTS by MISFITS. SO GOOD. HOW HAVE I LIVED WITHOUT IT FOR SO LONG.

292.

Okay, so about a half-hour ago a girl from my WST 100 class came up to me and asked why I wasn't in class on Thursday and I told her I was sick and stuff and we were talking to for a bit and we got on the topic of the group project our class is doing and stuff. The Thursday I missed was the day that we were supposed to hand in the plan, but our group hadn't done it so I figured that the three of them would come up with something to hand in and stuff and that I wouldn't worry about it. The girl I was talking to, however, informed me that they told Richelle that I was doing the plan and that I was supposed to be here to hand it in. Needless to say, I care about my mark and, as much as I hate enabling blonde, bronzed slackers, I spent a good portion of this morning rushing to complete the plan. The upside to it is that I get to choose our topic and I get to choose who researches what. Obviously I'm not going to be a dick about it because a) there's no sense in being mad and passive-aggressive because they won't care or understand and b) if it's too much they just won't do it. Hell, they may not do it anyway. Even if they don't though, because it's broken up, if only I do my portion, their slacking will only reflect badly on themselves and I'll still be able to do the research paper. Plus, I'll be able to use the idea that I came up without them getting credit for it as well. In a way I kind of hope they don't do their parts so that I don't have to deal with the end result of the research and so that I can abdicate, but who knows. They may actually do what they're supposed to. We'll just have to wait and see.

291.

Good morning. Hmm, well, I'm back at NIC again. I get to wait another three and a half hours for my class. I've got company this morning though. A friend of Peter Charlsworth's from his Fine Arts course thing named Tyler is here this morning and he came over to sit with me. It was a lovely surprise.

Anyway, last night I decided to try and fix my hoodie because it's gigantic and the paint on it is fading and looking shitty now. It turned out surprisingly well. I didn't taper the sides like I had originally intended, but I did manage to take in the arms quite a bit. It looks a lot better now. It's also a lot warmer. In addition to that I cut the front out of my Siouxsie and the Banshees shirt and used it as a backpatch for my hoodie. I'm very pleased with it. I think it looks pretty rad. I'mma make more patches for it later on. I want to make/find a Lesbian Fist Magnet patch. I think that would be awesome. I also cut that lace covering thing off my black skirt this morning. It was getting kind of ratty in a bad way and it had some towel lint stuck in it and stuff. I'm keeping it to use on something else eventually. The skirt looks better without it. I'm contemplating making a zebra print stencil to use on the skirt, but I think I might just either leave it or cover it in patches. I haven't decided yet. I really really want to get a NoMeansNo patch for my hoodie. Originally, I wanted to have a Lesbian Fist Magnet backpatch, but I haven't found anything that would work as a stencil so I thought about a NoMeansNo one, but I wanted to find an actual band stencil that let people know that it was a band so that they wouldn't assume that I was just an over zealous anti-rape advocate or something. I considered doing a Misfits one, but that's really over done and I haven't been listening to them all that long. I really love them though. I can't believe it took me so long to listen to them. I've been missing out. I'm not as enthusiastic about their newer stuff. I really prefer the Danzig albums and those are the only ones I've downloaded. Oh, man. Danzig. But yeah, so I have a Siouxsie backpatch and I need to make more for the rest of my attire. I also need to start thinking about my Zombie Love costume for the Halloween show as well. Yes, that's right. There's a show ON Halloween at the Elks. They're calling it the Monster Mosh. That's pretty hip. I'm dressing up as the zombie girl from the Zombie Love t-shirt that Big Kyle designed. I'm excited. I hope Jesse will be the boy one! Who knows though.

290.

You know what? This is do-able. Seriously. It can and WILL be done.

289.

Guh, I want to go home. I hate having to wait so long to catch the bus. Fuck my life.

288.

What can I say?

287.

I need to start doing more make-up like this.

286.

Ah! I'm so excited! This Friday the Fuck Awesomes are playing their first show. It's going to be at The Legion on Quadra. The only downside is that it's only all ages until 10:00pm. They're going to try to keep me in by saying that I'm with the band or just by kind of hiding me or whatever. I hope it works! If not then I'll either just have a parking lot party with other underage people or just hang out at Steve's until the show is over. Apparently there's going to be an after party. I'm excited. I just hope that Jesse doesn't get too drunk and pass out. I hate when that happens. Oh, also they're going to be doing a cover of Last Caress! I'm very very excited about it. :)

285.

It has been a while since I've messed around with a camera.

I'm glad I've started again.

284.

Haha, okay, so apparently at the time when my MSN said that he was offline, his said that I was offline. I'm not really sure what to make of that. Damn internets. Anyway, all is well. :)

283.

So, I'm sitting here at school with my laptop listening to Portishead. I like Portishead. It reminds me of Jesse who just happens to be the most amazing person in the history of the world. True story. Okay, well, anyway, I haven't seen him in over a week. It's kind of really starting to bother me. Last night when I re-mentioned Dale's longboard race and that I was helping with it he didn't seem very happy about it. When I asked him what he was thinking he said "lots of things" and when I asked "Like what?" he just said "just lotsa things" and then he signed out. It was about 11:30 at that point and I waited online until about midnight, but he never came back online. I'm not sure what to make of that. Usually if he's upset he'll at least say goodnight or something. I'm hoping that it was just his internet fucking up or something, but I know it wasn't just his MSN because I went onto Facebook to see if I could talk to him through Facebook Chat, but as soon as I was about to type something he went offline there too. So, either he's really really upset about so

He just signed in.

282.

Okay, so I am currently at NIC in Courtenay (that's where I'm going to school now that I've graduated and stuff) and there are many Asians here. I'm assuming that they're all either Japanese or Korean as that's typically what we seem to get here. They're international students or whatever. Anyway, there's a small group of them sitting at a table to my left and they keep nattering on in Japanese (or Korean) and kind of gesturing towards me. I'm slightly apprehensive as I don't know what they're saying or if they're actually talking about me or just something that happened in my general vicinity. Sometimes I wish I could speak Japanese. I mean, I'm not one of those anime freaks that dreams of running away to Japan or anything, I'd just like to be able to watch Kill Bill without having to fuck around with subtitles for an hour. Seriously, I torrented it the other day, but the version didn't have the Japanese subtitles hardcoded so I spent a bunch of time trying to find a decent .srt file for just the Japanese scenes. I eventually found one, but it was about a minute or two behind the audio so I spent an exorbitant amount of time trying to get them to line up. After I managed to get the first part lined up (the bit with Pei Mai's voice over) I quickly went through to the anime section with O-Renn killing Boss Matsumoto the subtitles were a good minute or so behind! By that point I was frustrated and just gave up. I've seen it enough times with the subtitles to know what they're saying. I just wish I had them for the scene where Beatrix Kiddo goes to see Hatori Hanzo and yells at his employee about getting sake. I love that part. My favourite part though, would have to be the scene where Gogo Yubari fights Beatrix. I love the meteor hammer with a passion. I wish I knew how to use it. If I did, I'd scour the globe to find one like hers. Most of the ones I've seen have been small-ish and attached to a long rope. I want a spiked one on a chain, please. I could do without the blades though. Knowing me, I'd injure myself with it pretty quickly. But yeah, meteor hammers. Mmm.

281.

Holy balls, it has been a long time since I've blogged anything on here. I'm sorry, I feel like I'm being neglectful. Honestly, it's not you, it's me. I've just been busy these days doing absolutely nothing. I'm kidding. I've been doing a lot of stuff, but then also doing a lot of nothing as well. It's confusing. I'll try to start blogging more often as there are plenty of things I could be putting on here. I don't know. I think it's just that with BlogSpot I almost feel obligated to write something long and elaborate, which is why I have been sticking with Nexopia for now. I mean, what? I wasn't secretly blogging on another site and leaving you to fade away all on your lonesome... Wow, I actually feel bad. Is it normal to feel bad about neglecting a website? Yikes. I'm losing it. Either way, I will make more of an effort to blog on you as well as Nexopia. In fact, if I feel like posting on Nex, I shall also put that post in here in addition to the other posts I plan on posting...post. That sounds like a good plan to me.